


The Invisible Enby

by axelotl95



Category: Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: Nonbinary Character, nonbinary ninny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-09 10:27:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19886092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/axelotl95/pseuds/axelotl95
Summary: Ninny is invisible again. Read their journal as they try to figure out why and end up learning about themself and their gender.





	1. Journal Entry #1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi this is my first time trying to write fanfic, advice is welcome but please be kind about it!

Hello journal, my name is Ninny, and I’m 13 years old. Too-Ticky suggested that I write in you, to help me figure out what’s going on in my brain. Or, more specifically, why I turned invisible again. You see, when I was 9 I was living with my aunt, and she was so mean all the time, constantly yelling at me and making me feel that the world would be better off without me. I wished so often to become invisible, and the wish came true. My aunt decided she couldn’t take care of an invisible child, so she tied a bell around my neck and handed me off to Too-Ticky, who decided it would be best if I spent a while with the Moomin family first, seeing as how kind they are. The Moomin family’s kindness eventually helped me become visible, and then I came to live with Too-Ticky. 

About 2 months ago, I started slowly fading again. Nobody can understand why, not even me. I have such a wonderful life now, and there’s no reason for me to feel scared or sad. Too-Ticky is a wonderful and kind guardian, always protecting me and always there for me when I need her, and always makes sure I know that I’m loved. Which is why I feel so guilty for becoming invisible again. I know Too-Ticky is terribly worried, and one time when she thought I was outside playing, I heard her crying on the phone to her girlfriend, Mymble Jr., about how awful she felt about my invisibility, and wondering if it means she’s just as awful as my aunt. I can’t stand to be the reason that somebody feels so awful.

One silver lining to being invisible is that mirrors don’t bother me anymore. For about a year now, every time I have seen myself in the mirror, I have felt like I was looking at a complete stranger. I had gotten in the habit of avoiding mirrors, and I started wearing baggy clothes so that I can’t see my body. I have no idea why I feel like this. Maybe I’m just ugly, and my brain can’t accept it so I just completely disconnect from my body instead.

I am very lucky to have such kind friends. Even though everyone else in Moominvalley is older than me, they are still very kind and make sure to include me when they play. Nothing like the town I lived in with my aunt. There were plenty of people my age in that town, but none of them liked me, so I never got to play. Today we all went mushroom picking, which is my favorite! I am quite good at it too. When I lived with my aunt, I spent lots of time reading the books she had in the house, since I wasn’t allowed to do anything else. She had quite a few books about mushrooms, so I am very good at telling which ones are edible.

After I got home from mushroom picking, I decided to scroll through tumblr for a bit, and I happened to see an invite link for an invisible teen support group on discord! I joined, and everyone was so welcoming! Many of the people there are also members of the LGBT+ community, which makes me feel safer. I have gotten bullied for being a lesbian before, both on the internet and back when I lived with my aunt, so it makes me happy that this support group will be safe from that. Also, I already made a friend in the group! Her name is Taf and she’s a Toffle! She’s the same age as me and we’re both really interested in mushrooms! She’s also been invisible in the past and doesn’t know why she’s become invisible again. I hope we stay friends for a long time.

It’s getting hard to keep my eyes open so I think I will go to bed now. Good night, journal.


	2. Journal Entry #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ninny's friend comes out as trans

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each chapter is really short but I'm posting like of them today! They're just short because I want it to be one journal entry per chapter

Hi journal, sorry I haven’t written in you for a few days, but something exciting happened today! My internet friend, Taf, is becoming visible again! His feet are visible and he figured out why he became invisible! That’s right, I said HE! Taf realized that he’s trans! He had been secretly questioning for a while, but today he tried binding his chest for the first time with a free binder he got on the internet, and his feet suddenly reappeared when he felt his flat chest! 

We private messaged for a while about it, since there were a lot of feelings and thoughts that he had been hiding from everyone, and honestly, I was curious about what it’s like to have a flat chest. This might sound awful but I think I’m jealous of him. He described how he would look in the mirror and not recognize himself, and how he wore a big hoodie to hide his body, and quite a few other things that I also experience, and I think it’s wonderful that he can bind his chest and eventually get testosterone and surgery to feel comfortable in his body. The problem is, I’m not trans like him, so I probably can’t do that. I didn’t always gravitate towards boys toys and boys clothes like he did, I don’t have any memories of insisting I was a boy at age 4, and I definitely don’t feel like a boy currently. I wonder if it’s okay for a girl to bind her chest? I think I’ll ask him tomorrow. Or maybe I could ask Snufkin! I think he mentioned that he’s trans before.

Too-Ticky says it’s time for lights out now. Good night, journal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you liked this chapter! I will be posting the next one in a few minutes!


	3. Journal Entry #3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ninny learns what nonbinary means

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another very short chapter, sorry!

Hello again journal, I’m writing in you 2 days in a row! Too-Ticky will be proud. Anyway, I’m writing because I asked Taf if I could bind and still be a girl, and explained to him that I want a flat chest but I don’t feel like a boy, and he said that girls can bind, but also I might be nonbinary! I had never heard of this before but Taf explained that it’s basically when someone isn’t a girl or a boy, or sometimes they could be a girl and a boy, or even change between multiple genders. It was confusing for me at first, but I think I understand it now, and I’m gonna do more research and maybe try binding my chest to see how it feels. For now, though, I’m gonna sleep. Good night, journal.


	4. Journal Entry #4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ninny feels like a burden, also starts questioning their gender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a slightly longer chapter! woohoo!

I’m feeling very nervous and guilty and I don’t know what the right thing to do is. This morning Too-Ticky told me that she and Moominmamma had been talking, and they have decided it would be best for me to move in with the Moomins and see if they can help me become visible again. Normally I would be so excited about staying with the Moomins, but I’m afraid I’m just going to be a burden on them. I don’t want them to have to make room for me and Too-Ticky, and I don’t want Too-Ticky to have to move just because of me. I also know that me being invisible is already an extra burden on my friends when we’re playing, they can’t read my facial expressions or even see where I am. They don’t say it, but I know it gets tiring for them.

In other news, I have been doing a little bit of research into nonbinary stuff, and I’m thinking I may be a demigirl or even agender. I’m trying out they/them pronouns with just Taf for now, just to see how I like it. I haven’t tried binding yet because I’m not sure how I want to do it. Taf gave me a link to where he got his free binder, but there’s a waitlist and since I’m not even sure that I’m nonbinary, I don’t want to risk taking it from someone who needs it. I have considered using ace bandages but Taf say that’s super unsafe, so I’m not sure what to do. I’m sure I could ask Too-Ticky to get one for me, but I don’t want to tell anyone anything about this until I’m 100% sure. 

Well, I better go to sleep now, I have to wake up early tomorrow to help Too-Ticky pack our stuff for staying in Moominhouse.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked it! I will try and post another chapter either today or tomorrow!


End file.
